Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in the8thdwarfrage's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
11:08 pm	Will it finally end Why is it I can fancy myself such a big man but when it comes to certain things I am quite the scared little boy..I have played over in my head many many a time and way of well ending it...Hmm then why is it even the quick and painless sleep is always so frightening and final...I mean it would take near nothing our lives are near nothing...Heh yeah well you know one could say my beliefs play such a large part in why I havent done IT. Yeah Yeah I will work up the nerve eventually maybe when I finally conclude it is best all around...Heh havent brought myself to that..But the bottom line is this...I wish it I want it and fear will not keep me from it forever.. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 3rd, 2005
2:20 am	well now I did not expect that Well another day another reason to feel like I am moving no where. Where am I at where am I going...Hell I dont know if I did would nt be sitting here telling you how when the world turns my day darkens...Yeah I know the sun rises in the east and sets in the west..At least on my side of the rock I call home..Hell I cant even think enough to know if that is the only truth. Hell I dont even know how I am writing this I mean mostly I see the color red..And what does that mena maybe tired maybe angry maybe I have just found some new medical misfortune to be blasted upon human kind. Well I dont even really care which it is all I know is that I cant see. Who knows this may turn out to be a good thing I mean I can not take into my sights all the crap that the little monkeys in my life seem to fling mydirection. Maybe I will manage to also become quite used to the smell of refuge and wont even notice the small smelly missiles slamming into my ratty, torn body. Are we any better than the primates we go to the zoo to gawk and stare at, eh not really. I mean think about it how much of your moth feces do you fling at those you encounter every day. Come now be honest heh I know I am one of the prime chimpanze-ish beings flinging all kinds of degrading, slimy, filthy piles of yes words, and words they are the biggest forms of dung and hell how is it a homosapian would so quickly fling anothers dung I say Bull . Now who is the better those who do it in ignorance or those who love it so much they condition it into their own children. Current Mood: irritated (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 30th, 2005
10:55 pm	HEH...HEh...Heh...heh Well now life is so funny that well you get tossed a lemon and well it was left in the freezer so you end up with a black eye. Should probably learn to catch dont you think...Well on the one hand you will have some lovely juice when the damn thing thaws a little, the other you just gotta be patient and lord knows I am far from that. Or maybe I should just learn to catch. Heh I have a lazy eye never gonna learn to catch so maybe wait..Guess so...Well any how the funny part of this is well I dont even want the damn lemon or the juice...I want the person throwing it...Heh thinks they want me to perhaps soon we will stop with the silly flirting and cut the frozen lemon out completely... Current Mood: melancholy (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 25th, 2005
10:26 pm	Um yeah Well hmm where to start feeling a bit better not a whole lot but a bit. He mostly almost to my old self what is that you say well a lonely perv with a hint of depression..I think I will be back to normal soon well I at least hope I will...I do however think I am turning into a work a holic most of wht takes up my mind..HEHE but what I really want outta life right now seems to be creeping back in. Current Mood: horny (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
12:41 am	Hmmm I learned today that I am far more attached to certain things in my life I care to admit. While enjoyable it is quite scary who knows this person may even let me know if my hope is well founded Current Mood: hopeful (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 21st, 2005
10:10 am	What the ****? Well here I am another day. Tried to look on the bright side of things the other day naw didnt work. There just doesnt seem to be an end to this never ending pit that has found its way into my gut. Hmm last night did something I told myself I wouldnt do again I tried to fill it, with what do you ask well a gallon bottle of course. Heh it is so nice what I recieved as a prize for my efforts: one hangover, a quick reminder now that I am not wasted what I hate about life so much and the knowledge of what a great role model I have become for my two kids. If only they could see me now wouldnt they be proud of daddy. I have stepped upon the road of life why is it that fear has become my closes companion I have grown to a child why is it that my favored pastimes were spent with lonliness I am a teenager now why is that hate a confusion are the crew with which I am forever near I have grown to be a man why is it that doubt has become my closes confidant I am a success now why is it that the only thing I have taken with me is nothing. Current Mood: angry (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 20th, 2005
12:41 am	Life Have you ever wondered why life just always seems to throw a curve ball. I mean why is it that the ones you feel closest to are always so far away. I mean why can you always see yourself with the one you cant have..Why is it everything you thought you had well it simply isnt there anymore. Heh I have been told its a way of looking at life a *bleeping* attitude well i say it is this simple and honest truth. Have you ever had the feeling the world is out to get you well...it probably is.. They always say nice guys finish last hehe true now why is everyone so happy...Karma i doubt it..unless of course the few years of bad have to be paid back by a life of menial dreary tasks, being stepped on by those who simply ignore the crap being thrown their way..Cuz some of us are blessed with the truly ignore everyones emotions even their own gene. What I would give to just be able to fabriccate my emotions feel what I want when I want..Then I prolly wouldnt have this self hating demeanor..I might even feel like I am someone and capable...Heh and this coming from a twenty four year old who has lived on his own since seventeen...but is it really success and does this give me self worth NO..It is those whom you spend your time and emotions on and what they give in return and like I said those people are always just out of your reach Current Mood: depressed (2 Comments |Comment on this)